Ask the Expert: Mental health, sponsored by Flourish Forward

Dr. Chelsea Brown, LPC
Flourish Forward Counseling and Consulting

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed or emotionally drained while caring for an aging parent?

This is one of the most common concerns caregivers share when supporting an aging parent. Caregiving often means juggling doctors’ appointments, medications, financial decisions, and emotional support while trying to maintain personal and professional responsibilities. Over time, that constant level of responsibility can leave caregivers feeling emotionally drained, short-tempered, or even numb. Many experience guilt for these reactions, especially when caregiving is rooted in love. However, these feelings are not a reflection of how much they care.

At Flourish Forward Counseling and Consulting, caregivers are reminded that feeling overwhelmed is often the mind and body’s way of signaling a need for support — not a sign of failure. Caregivers frequently put themselves last, believing they will rest once things settle down. In reality, caregiving is rarely short-term. When stress goes unaddressed, it can gradually build into anxiety, depression, or burnout. Prioritizing self-care is not separate from caring for a loved one; it is what makes sustainable, compassionate caregiving possible.

Why does grief show up even when a parent is still alive?

Many caregivers experience grief long before an actual loss occurs, even if they have never known how to name it. They may grieve changes in a parent’s health, independence, or personality, or mourn the gradual shift in the relationship as they once knew it. This experience is often referred to as anticipatory grief — grief that arises before a loss has fully occurred. It can feel confusing or uncomfortable to acknowledge, particularly when a parent is still physically present.

Caregivers are also often grieving a change in roles. As adult children step into caregiving responsibilities, they may recognize that they are no longer being cared for in the same way — or at all. That realization can bring sadness, frustration, and a quiet sense of loneliness. These emotions do not indicate ingratitude or defeat; they are a natural response to a significant life transition.

At Flourish Forward Counseling and Consulting, individuals are encouraged to acknowledge this grief rather than suppress it. When unrecognized, it can surface as irritability, emotional distance, or exhaustion. When named and supported, caregivers often feel more grounded, emotionally present, and better equipped to navigate caregiving with compassion for both their loved one and themselves.

How can caregivers set boundaries without feeling selfish or ungrateful?

Setting boundaries is often one of the most challenging aspects of caregiving. Many individuals were raised to believe that love means constant availability, meeting every request, and placing personal needs last. Over time, that belief can quietly erode emotional reserves, leaving caregivers exhausted or resentful — even when they deeply love the person they are supporting. Boundaries are not about withdrawing or caring less. They are about preserving the ability to show up with patience and compassion.

Healthy boundaries may involve limits around time, finances, or emotional availability. Sometimes they are simple, such as saying help is not possible in the moment or requesting time to consider a decision. Feelings of guilt are common when boundaries are first introduced, especially for those who have long been the dependable one in the family. That guilt does not signal wrongdoing; it often indicates that an old pattern is being reshaped.

At Flourish Forward Counseling and Consulting, caregivers are reminded that boundaries are not selfish. They are protective. When boundaries are established, caregiving becomes more balanced and less emotionally draining, allowing relationships to remain healthier and more sustainable. It is possible to love a parent deeply while also honoring personal needs and well-being.

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