If you’ve been asked to give a wedding speech, you know it’s as much of an honor as it is nerve-racking. Whether you’re the best man, maid of honor or a proud parent, speaking in front of a crowd on such an emotional day can feel overwhelming. “You don’t get picked for these talks because you’re great at public speaking,” says Abbey Lovett, a conversation coach and founder of Pathos Coaching. You’re asked to give a speech because you are a valued family member or friend of the bride and groom, and you want to do your best. With these thoughtful tips from Lovett, you can be confident that you will deliver a speech that’s memorable and meaningful.

Check the Vibe

Know your audience, and when in doubt, ask the bride, advises Lovett. While those crazy college stories may be fun to reminisce on, they’re probably not appropriate for a wedding toast. “Figure out if there is an expectation for your speech to be heartfelt or hilarious, because it’s usually one or the other, maybe a little bit of a combination of both,” she says. And while you’re asking, get an estimate on how much time you have. “No one likes a rambler when they’re ready to get to the dance floor,” Lovett adds.

Think it Through

While a word-for-word script isn’t necessary, some prep work certainly is, especially if you plan to tell a story or two. “With storytelling, you think you have all the information, but then once you start telling the story, all these extra facts come in, or you can’t remember the timeline, or you’re backtracking,” Lovett says. “So before you go up and tell a story, practice telling it to another guest at the bachelorette party or at one of the showers.” It’s key to strike a balance between being intentional without overpreparing. Opt for bullet points if you feel like you have to bring a piece of paper, Lovett says.

Expect the Unexpected

Weddings can bring tears to even the most stone-faced among us. Even if you’re not usually a crier, it’s wise to have a backup plan—like a lighthearted story—to pivot to if emotions start to take over. “Don’t try to hide that you’re getting emotional,” Lovett advises. “Bring it to light and laugh it off a little bit. And if you’re having a really hard time regulating, try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth two or three times before you start trying to talk again.”

Shake it Off

It’s totally natural to feel nervous. If you can, get on the dance floor or mingle with guests you haven’t met ahead of your speech to loosen up a bit. “Trick your nervous system into being excited,” Lovett says. “And this may be controversial, but I am all about grabbing yourself a glass of liquid courage–one glass does help take the edge off.”